Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Monday, December 27, 2010

Best. Grade Challenge. EVER.

"I need you to review my work and see if you can raise my grade."

"According to my grade book and notes, you stopped coming to class after midterms and turned in no work."

"But I had legitimate psychological reasons for not coming to class! You have to give me a better grade!"

"I need documentation. Your counselor needs to contact Student Affairs and the Counseling Center, and I need this to come through the proper University channels for me to consider a grade amendment."

"I can't! If I explain to them, my parents might find out, and I'll be dead!"

*sigh* "Without proper docs, I can't do anything for you."

"OK, here's the thing: I got really, really wasted -- just trashed on pot and beer -- and had a threesome with Teej and Garrett*. Like, I don't even know. I can barely remember shit. But when I came to class, they'd high five and call me "Eiffel Tower," and Teej's girlfriend would wait for me in the hall and threaten to kick my ass for sleazing her man, and I couldn't face that shit. That's why I stopped coming to class."

*blink, blink*

"While that is quite a set of issues, it's not really grounds for a grade change. May I recommend that you speak to one of the counselors, or your RA about this issue? It seems as if this would be more of a social, rather than academic, situation."

"Well, everyone kind of knows already, so..."

"I have no idea what to begin to tell you. Sorry."

*Teej and Garrett are room motes who are both in the same class -- and apparently share a great deal more than that.

Friday, December 24, 2010

A weary world rejoices...

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that the whole world should be enrolled. This was the first enrollment, when Quirinius was governor of Syria. So all went to be enrolled, each to his own town. And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child.
 While they were there, the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
 Now there were shepherds in that region living in the fields and keeping the night watch over their flock. The angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were struck with great fear. The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people."
"For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger."
 And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying: 
"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests!"
When the angels went away from them to heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go, then, to Bethlehem to see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us." So they went in haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the infant lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known the message that had been told them about this child. All who heard it were amazed by what had been told them by the shepherds.
 And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart. 
Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, just as it had been told to them.
(Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2, verses 1 - 20)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Just take off and nuke it from orbit.

Jesus H. Fuckbuckets. If there's anything that exemplifies "obnoxious hipster douchebag," it's paying an utterly ridiculous amount of money for a ripped. Army. T-shirt.

For the discerning hipster, go for the original Balmain, which will run around $1,137.50. On sale, even -- originally, it was $1,625.

For the more budget-conscious, you can pay $200 for an Urban Outfitters knockoff.

If you seriously buy one of these and wear it, you are legitimately a horrible person who ought to be bludgeoned. What kind of a statement does this make about you as a person? Take a $5 shirt, run it through a dryer a few times and go to town with a box cutter for the same effect, you motherfucking idiot.

Monday, December 20, 2010



Done done done done done!

Grades are in; I have a month to recharge!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Indignant entitlement.

One of the drawbacks of my irregular schedule is that I am most often the go-to person for babysitting during the day. 

I usually don't mind occasionally chipping in, but there are a lot of times that I am home, yet still working on something -- papers, schedules, advisement, committee crap.  However, I am not interested in becoming a regular care-giver with a set schedule. Need someone to watch your son while you get your oil changed? No problem. Want me to keep your daughter for a day because you have a migraine? Sure! Need someone to take your kids three mornings a week from nine to noon? Hell, no.

My only real rule deals with sick kids. NO SICK KIDS. Period. I won't watch 'em. Your kid is sick and you don't want to take the day off? Suck it up,buttercup, because I get grossed out by cleaning up my OWN kids' puke and shit.  Plus, Wee Ginge tends to get sick a lot, and I don't need to force-feed her germs.

So when I got a phone call this morning, I was peeved.

"Shay has strep.  Can you take her for the day, and run her to the pediatrician for a follow-up this afternoon?"

"Uh, no. I have to run OctoBoy and Ginge to the doctor for flu shits this afternoon, and I have several other errands that have to be done before class tonight. I really don't think I can help today."

"Well, what the Hell am I supposed to do with her? She's too sick to go to school; they won't take her if she has a fever!"

"Well, either you or your husband is going to have to stay home with her. Plus, if she has a fever, she's probably still contagious. No one in my house needs strep right now!"

"He's already left! I'm dressed for work! I really don't want to stay home with a sick kid today!"

"That makes two of us. I'm sorry, but no."

*click* (She hung up on me, for the record.)

Was that out of line?

When a problem comes along...