Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Friday, April 20, 2012

Oh, balls.

The end of the semester is always ripe with excessive stupidity. Sometimes it's alcohol-fueled, sometimes it's just sheer desperation but mostly it is utter bottom-of-the-barrel stupidity that produces the best stories.

For instance:

If you're going to use technological enhancements for an oral presentation, it's best to check your flash drive and be sure that the file name you click is actually your powerpoint, and not a particularly graphic set of clips/stills from your personal stash of raunchy porn. No one needs to see "Midgets Bandage Spank Inferno" on the surround-sound SmartPodium. Yes, we judged, and yes, that shit was all over campus before class was over, thanks to smartphones. And no, you're probably never getting laid by any of the chicks on campusagain, because your taste in cinematic snatch was pretty heinous.


DO all the papers on legalization you want, but feel free to leave your bong at home. as one of your classmates succinctly put it, "You stupid Goddamned dumbass."


Finally, a public service announcement, brought to you my my insurance company, which outsources its accident report calls to India:

Be sure that you --or the deer you hit -- calls the police to generate a report.

Be sure to exchange insurance information with the deer.

Be sure that you can give the deer's contact info to the accident tech.

Do NOT, in a fit of aggravated smartassery, report the other "driver's" name as John Doe. They have no sense of humor.