Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Field trip nonsense

I chaperoned SnarkGirl's field trip yesterday -- a walking tour of historic Philadelphia! We saw the Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross' house, the Old Christ Church and Franklin Court. The weather was chilly and gray, but the rain (mostly) held off. However, a few observations:
  • What kind of frickin' dumb ass shows up to what was clearly labeled a WALKING tour in three-inch, platformed, spike-heeled, pointy-toed stilettos? "I just couldn't find anything else to go with my Lily Pulitzer!" I wanted to rip off her ridiculous shoes and stab her in the eye with them every time she complained about how much her feet hurt.
  • Being in charge of several children who are not your own is exhausting, due to heightened situational awareness and hypervigilence. Strangers, street crossings, making sure they don't wander off...it is a lot like taking six goats to market without lead ropes.
  • I should have hired a sherpa to help me buttle all of the girls' stuff, and they shed sweatshirts, jackets, lunches, cameras and souvenir bags constantly, and guess who got asked to hold it all?
  • The standard Mom Kit -- first aid stuff, water, wipies, hand sanitizer, hair elastics, hard candies, gum, loose change and a good evil glare is indispensable.
  • So is a bellow that will halt forty-seven little girls in their tracks.
  • Merchants who festoon their window displays with trashy lingerie, sex toys and bondage accouterments should be forced to answer the questions that such displays will encourage from young girls on the cusp of puberty, and endure the ensuing shrieks of "Oh, that's GUH-ROOOOOSS!"
  • Security at the Liberty Bell is ridiculous, the guards have no sense of humor, and I did not appreciate having a large woman in purple nitrile gloves fondling my personal regions and showing the world my C-section scar.
  • I feel really, really naked and vulnerable wandering around Philly without my firearm. The historic zones are...unique in flavor, to say the least.
Most of the places we visited had large signs advertising the fact that they were firearm free zones, and no guns were permitted on the property. Ironic -- the cradle of liberty  pretty much ignores the amendment with God damned well guarantees liberty.


  1. But, as you noted, they have no sense of humor; nor any concept of irony, apparently.

  2. God Bless you for putting up with ALL of that... You are a much better person than I. I went along 'once' to assist with one of my daughters, I was NOT invited to participate again :-)

  3. I was a Cub Scout Den Leader for a year, and went on two overnight field trips with my daughter. At the end of all that, I have realized that I'm not a fan of children that aren't my own. Good on ya for doing this for SnarkyGirl. She'll remember it forever, and will appreciate what you've done for her after she does her first field trip as a parent.

  4. I really liked what I saw at the field trip to statue of liberty. There was a lower level elementary school group. The children had the same color t shirt with the child's name on it, the school, along with the name and cell phone number of that child's chaperone.


Play nicely with others, or eat banhammer.