Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Just take off and nuke it from orbit.

Jesus H. Fuckbuckets. If there's anything that exemplifies "obnoxious hipster douchebag," it's paying an utterly ridiculous amount of money for a ripped. Army. T-shirt.

For the discerning hipster, go for the original Balmain, which will run around $1,137.50. On sale, even -- originally, it was $1,625.

For the more budget-conscious, you can pay $200 for an Urban Outfitters knockoff.

If you seriously buy one of these and wear it, you are legitimately a horrible person who ought to be bludgeoned. What kind of a statement does this make about you as a person? Take a $5 shirt, run it through a dryer a few times and go to town with a box cutter for the same effect, you motherfucking idiot.


  1. I note, with mildly curious interest, that said item is no longer available on the site to which you linked. That means that either, a) one or more retarded feminine hygiene product wannabes with too much money have already bought them out, or b) this was just some demented code monkey's way of making a tedious webmaster gig somewhat amusing.

  2. I was gonna comment, but I actually wonder if K. was right on with his second option.

    I swear, this whole hipster bullshit is right up there with safety punk. What's safety punk, you ask? When you had Buffy and Billy rushing out of the 'burbs to rough it up in leather, trying desperately to look like actual punks. It gave birth to the modern punk music, which is less "the King/Queen is a cock-sucking fuckface" and more "ZOMG my girlfriend broke up with me!"

    Sid Vicious is reported to be contemplating suicide so he can begin rolling over in his grave.


  3. Unless an Army teeshirt has blood stains, it should never have that many holes. On the other hand, we wore jeans that had been torn up and run through the ringer when I was younger, so who am I to point the finger?

  4. Somebody needs to feed the Urban Outfitters model, too.

  5. I'm gonna dissent on this one -- products like this separate fools from (a lot of) their money, and provide an easy way for the rest of us to identify obnoxious hipster douchebags before they open their mouths.

  6. I'll have to agree with bluntobject... If they are THAT stupid (and obviously some are), they deserve to be separated from every $$ they have!

  7. Well, at least the model doesn't look happy to be wearing the damn thing. Then again, she's probably about ready to pass out from starvation. One down . . .

  8. I was in our Army for 21 years. Sure wish I would have saved all those t-shirts for resale. Wonder what I could get for my old green boxers? And how "distressed" would those have to be?

  9. I lost a lot of my faith in humanity when they started charging extra for jeans with paint spatters and holes. How's about you strap on your regular jeans and do some work around the house, asshole?


Play nicely with others, or eat banhammer.