Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Friday, April 20, 2012

Oh, balls.

The end of the semester is always ripe with excessive stupidity. Sometimes it's alcohol-fueled, sometimes it's just sheer desperation but mostly it is utter bottom-of-the-barrel stupidity that produces the best stories.

For instance:

If you're going to use technological enhancements for an oral presentation, it's best to check your flash drive and be sure that the file name you click is actually your powerpoint, and not a particularly graphic set of clips/stills from your personal stash of raunchy porn. No one needs to see "Midgets Bandage Spank Inferno" on the surround-sound SmartPodium. Yes, we judged, and yes, that shit was all over campus before class was over, thanks to smartphones. And no, you're probably never getting laid by any of the chicks on campusagain, because your taste in cinematic snatch was pretty heinous.


DO all the papers on legalization you want, but feel free to leave your bong at home. as one of your classmates succinctly put it, "You stupid Goddamned dumbass."


Finally, a public service announcement, brought to you my my insurance company, which outsources its accident report calls to India:

Be sure that you --or the deer you hit -- calls the police to generate a report.

Be sure to exchange insurance information with the deer.

Be sure that you can give the deer's contact info to the accident tech.

Do NOT, in a fit of aggravated smartassery, report the other "driver's" name as John Doe. They have no sense of humor.


  1. You could always report the deer's religion as "Hind-u" . . .


  2. See, this is why you always keep your porn stuff away from your work stuff - amateur mistake! Um, I mean, so I've heard...

  3. Great to talk to you last night, and good ones! :-) I don't see how you put up with the idjits you get in your classes!!! :-)

  4. Sad thing is that our "institutions of higher learning" have a catch-and-release policy for said idjits. I can testify that many of them subsequently Peter-Principle themselves into positions of (some) authority, both in companies I have worked for and those in companies to which I tried to sell stuff. I'm talking about folks that need to call tech support to safely turn off their laptops, or be able to explain the difference between Mark Twain and Mach Two (mainly due to ignorance of either).

  5. Aggravated smartassery? You? Nooooooo... say it ain't so.

  6. Non Figere Stultus....

    Yup, these are fun times. I'm hoping we get a woofie walk in my program next week. I'd dearly love to line my angels up in the lab and see which ones the Canine detective triggers on.

    I have money riding on this.....

  7. Okay, as a long time claims professional, I have to say John Doe is funny. Bambi would have been better, or his porn name John Ramdoe. Claims people do have a sense of humor, it just tends towards the dark and gruesome.

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  9. Meant to say I'd be quiet. But Can I sit in on your end of Semester's, Please? :D

  10. John Doe? Not John Deere? C'mon now!!!

    ... and wow, a belly laugh does wonders to start a Monday :)

  11. I have gotten less and less patient with poor customer service lately. Good luck with the claim.

  12. Shouldn't that be "Jane Doe"? (or John Deere)...


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