Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Harumpf. (Oh, Hi there! Long time no see...)

Balancing 1 husband,  2 jobs, 3 pets (and 3 children) and countless assorted freshmen and douchebags...wait. Freshmen and douchebags? I repeat myself.

 So, I acquired a second job back in late August, which played havoc with scheduling, free time, personal obligations and other such nonsense. Hence the long absence. I am going to try to be a bit more responsible in blogging from here on out. Promise.

In addition to trying to hammer writing skills into college students who are still in the larval stage, I started working in an elementary school library. k through 8th grade. It's done wonders for helping me come up with creative alternatives to cursing.

See, the (very elderly and extraordinarily crabby) nun that was running the library hit the unpadded kneelers a few too many times and ended up with a double knee replacement. The Pope himself had to force her into retirement, leaving no one to read stories to children using puppets and goofy voices.

That simply would not do.

As I volunteered fairly regularly and subbed for Sister on multiple occasions -- and because I apparently have "SUCKER" tattooed on my forehead in ink that is only visible to nuns -- I was asked to step in. Because the same order runs both the uni and the school, everyone was more than willing to schedule around college classes and elementary obligations and suddenly...BOOM!

Basically full-to-overflowing commode of commitments, and nary a plunger in sight.The last 7 months in a nutshell:

"Fuck summer classes. I'm not teaching shit. I may quit altogether!" (Can you say 'burnout?')

"Shit. I am bored. Not bored enough to teach Summer I or II, but...I might miss it a bit."

"Whoa. Budget's tight."

"Three overloaded classes for fall? Extra pay? Hell, yes!"

"Library job? Nah, I have...wait. You talked to the Dean already? Two days on campus, three at the elementary school? Done deal? Both Sisters signed the papers already? Huh?"


"Ugh. I forgod liddle kids gib me germs and I'b had a code for four months."

"Hi, library supply depot? Lick my 'taint. These are not the book covers I ordered. Also, throw another copy of 'The pout-pout Fish'  in our box."

"The amazing thing is there's little to no difference in teaching kindergarteners and college freshmen."

"This crop of paper cuts is from research papers. This set is from covering books."

"NO OVERDUES. Papers or books, doesn't matter."

"Thank God and Baby Jesus for Christmas break. And booze."

 "Wait. I go back tomorrow? Fuuuuuuck."

That about covers it. Obviously it was an eventful fall, and I'll play catch-up with more substantial blog posts later.

Happy new year!


  1. Right back at you, chief. I was worried that something serious had happened. This is the best New Year's Day present I could ask for.

  2. Glad to hear you're still alive and kicking! Stay sane out there, and have a better year this time 'round!

  3. Wow! Crazy busy, but I believe the observation about teaching college and kindergarteners, although I hope the kindergarteners haven't grown into their full sense of entitlement, yet.

  4. You may just be the softest and kindest ROCK I know.

    Also a host of other nice things I could say but shant.

  5. We've always been crazy, but it kept us from going insane!

    Glad you're back!

  6. Welcome back, and happy new year!

    Oh, and HOLYGOD the new site layout is bright..

  7. Gods-n-Goddesses above... I'd imagined all sorta nightmare scenarios... and here you are in a library that shelves "Pout-Pout Fish". The Mind, It Boggles...

  8. "Lick my taint."????

    Well, you are a creative writing instructor, aren't you?

    Welcome back.

  9. Missed you. was very glad to come today and play catch up. Was toodling around due to my own loss of animal this week. (I am trying to implement a plan of reading in moments of weakness where I remember losing the poor wee beastie.) Decided to read down the blog list that never gets read anymore.. and was so glad to hear your voice again. With sandyliner stickers and everything. :D


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