Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Underwear stickers

We have been lucky in that sibling rivalry has not been a giant issue amongst the three goblins. Each has their own sphere on interest and circle of friends. There are a few overlaps, but for the most part, they all do their own thing. However, with two daughters, that is bound to change.

About a month ago, the wee ginger beastie howled her way through the living room, tears squirting out of her eyes, snot blowing out her nose...one continuous wail of despair that sounded like all the souls in Hell were being flayed alive, doused in brine and set alight. The noise went right to the base of your skull and wrapped around your brain stem, directing your body to do whatever must be done to shut that Christing noise UP before a blood vessel popped.

Shocked and alarmed, eldest daughter and I rushed to the source. We checked for blood, broken bones, anything physical that could explain the unholy caterwauling. Finally, she made it clear that the problem was thus:

Glasses-wearing Snark Girl had received stickers, and the ginger biscuit had gotten none. The humanity! With that nugget of information disclosed, the cacophony started again,

Meanwhile, eldest daughter and I were gaping at each other.

"Did I give you any stickers?
"No....not that I remember?"
"Uh, what the heck??"

We turned back to the wee beastie, denying any inequity in sticker distribution.

She shot to her feet in righteous anger, stormed up to Snark Girl's room, rummaged around and hurtled herself back down the stairs to hurl the objects of jealousy and contention on the living room floor:

...a handful of brightly wrapped pantiliners.

"THESE stickers! UNDERWEAR stickers! She gets pretty underwear stickers and I don't get any and it's not faaaaaiiiiiir!"

Whereupon the Satanic wailing and waterworks started up again. There was no convincing her that she had not been slighted.

The next day, I went out and bought several packages of Sandylion stickers, which were accepted as no more than she was due....with a suspicious sniffle and a fierce glare.

She still has not forgiven us.


  1. I'm sorry, but I'm laughing so hard that I am in tears here.

  2. Yeah, our little one found them absolutely fascinating at one point. Watch that they don't get flushed a pack at a time. Trust me, no amount of Drano is going to open that up.

  3. I have green tea in my sinuses, now. My fault, I should have known better.

  4. I hope you are able to catch some of these things on film/tape.

  5. As I read, I kept pondering in the back of my head all the possible meanings of "underwear stickers." The best my feeble male mind could muster was the little Inspected By stickers (hey, they're in new Dudes' Drawers. Made sense at the time). Never occurred to me until mine eyes fell upon the word "pantiliners."

    Ye Gods and little fishies. And I have a daughter, for Christ's Sweet Sakes.

    And this is why we drink.

  6. I have three girls.

    I can just see this happening here in about five years.

  7. Thank you. Your daughters brightened my morning immensely.

  8. HYSTERICAL!! I *told* Mike boys were easier :)


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