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Sunday, July 11, 2010

Felines and sacraments do not mix.

Dinner is alsoways when the most interesting family discussions occur. Over supper this evening, SnarkGirl asked if pets could be baptized. This led to Wee Ginger Beastie asking if Bitey could be baptized.

"I catches him! We stuffs him in a pillowcase and takes him to Monsignor! He blesses him!" (To get the full effect, you have to imagine a toddler pantomiming grabbing a cat as large as she is, cramming it into a sack, and dragging it around. It helps of you realize that she is forever stuffing him into sacks, bags, baby clothes and boxes.)

Both were disappointed with the answer: you can take pets to church to be blessed on the Feast of St. Francis, but no baptism for cats.


Neither of my daughters was impressed with my expanded opinion: I think that if you tried to baptize a cat, it would probably burst into flame as soon as it touched the holy water font. Cats are pure, concentrated, fur-covered evil. Satan's oven mitts, one and all. I'd be surprised if they could pass the threshold of a church without spontaneously combusting.

The mental image of our grandfatherly, rather portly Monsignor fishing around in a wildly thrashing, yowling pillowcase, hauling out Bitezilla by the tail and dunking him, teabag-style, into a marble font...only to be left holding a black furry tail, as the rest of the cat had gone POOF!...

That's gonna stick with me.

9 comments:

  1. There is a wonderful book I remember *very* fondly from childhood. You'd want to pre-read, and then read it *to*/with her, and it will have you both in ( the good kind of) tears at the end, but -- all that said, I highly recommend a book called ""Magnifi-Cat" by Carolyn and Edmund Sheehan. It's long out of print, but there are a few used copies on Amazon.com or if you have a PO Box or somesuch I can send it off (I've still got it and it should be read by/to another child).
    It is a Catholic book, about Catholic themes, and while it does go lightly and with gentle humor around some areas, it also pays great respect, reverence and love and no - one I know, even the very strict, who have read it all the way through have EVER been offended by the resolution - nor has anyone ever completed it with a dry eye, including my Marine great-uncle :)

    Let me know if you'd like me to send you my copy?

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  2. That will, without a doubt, be the single funniest thing I will read all. Day. Long.

    Thanks for setting the bar high!



    tweaker

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  3. Cats don't take to blessings or baptism as they already view themselves as gods.

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  4. The knowledge that the ancient Egyptians worshipped these creatures gives me pause . . . Perhaps they were enslaved not by the pharaohs, but by those demon beasts from hell. It makes perfect sense to me.

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  5. Mah Kitteh is a blessed kitteh, having been blessed and anointed last October 4th, Saint Francis's Day, by a properly ordained Anglican priest. Sometimes I think that's the only thing keeping him alive, he being 15 years old and I not having enough money to take him to the vet. He never lacks for food; I just wish I could afford the flea dope and the worming, but hey, this is Southern FL, where rents are insanely huge, even in an incipient depression. At least we have a roof over out heads.

    Oh, the Reflectoscope guy suggested I look at your blog, in a comment at mine.

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  6. "Bitey" is a great name for a cat, BTW.

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  7. Angela Dodson: Okay. Be careful with that cat.
    [cat meows and Angela begins to close the door]
    John Constantine: God, I hate this part.

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