Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Disney can eat a bowl of dicks.

Mausageddon continues in our house, but has hit a small, ginger-haired snag.

Raised on a steady diet of cute, anthropomorphic rodents, Wee Ginger Beastie is not at all on board with the eradication of small, brown rodents. In fact, she will happily bring armfuls of Disney-produced propaganda and expound upon the helpfulness of mice.

"Cinderella?" They make dresses.
"The Rescuers?" Bernard and Bianca are the heroes.
"American Tail?" Fievel is so sweet!
"Angelina Ballerina!" Enough said.

Have you ever stopped to consider how much mouse-related nonsense there is out there, and how it might affect the opinions of children towards vermin? It's staggering.

My daughter has become the French fucking Resistance, secretively supporting the round-eared, long-tailed, crumb-snatching, pellet-shitting Maquis.

My feckless cats are basically the feline Vichy government.

I have to arrange for the firebomb of Berli -- I mean, my basement.


  1. Have you tried offering Candy, or cash, to any kid that brings you a trapped mouse?

    I did that once, with .22 ammo. Inside a week I had to shell out an entire brick, as I would come home from work each day to find dead rodents lined up on the front step like khmer rouge victims.

    Kids love critters, but not always as much as they love cold, hard, cash.

  2. Hang in there, eventually the cats will discover that the mice are self propelled squeek toys. You will discover that a cat can spread a mouse to cover a greater area than Farmgirl can spread an elk.

  3. I agree, put a bounty on the little vermin.

  4. LOL- Sounds like it's a Loose the Dogs of War moment...

  5. Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel!

  6. I like the bounty idea. hmm. Couple it with a "Oh, no! No more Chocolate-covered sugar bomb cereal - the mice got in it and pooped in it! It's only oatmeal for breakfast until the mice are gone..."

    Self-interest can trump cute pretty fast.

  7. We relocate rather than exterminate our rodents - my girls seem fine with that.


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