Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Monday, June 20, 2011


I hate boats, Hate, hate, hate.  I fucking hate boats.

God, that felt good.

My in-laws are avid boaters. They have had multiple boats over the years, and boat gatherings are their favored social event. April through October, the cry goes out: "Hey! We should all go hang out down on the boat!" In fact, everyone is supposed to suit up for a jolly good time on ye olde boate this coming weekend.

Here's the problem: I get motion sick on friggin' escalators. So, a boat outing for me goes one of two ways -- either I take enough Dramamine to be non-functional (seriously, I'm floppy as a marionette with cut strings), or I literally spend all my time vomiting, dry-heaving and so nauseous as to be useless. Even giant cruise ships make me seasick. Wristbands, fresh air, all sorts of home cures for seasickness prove useless in the face of my shot equilibrium.

A day on a boat -- any boat -- is a very unpleasant experience for me and everyone around me who gets squicked out by being vomited upon or uncomfortable around a woman who has been, for all intents and purposes, roofied.

Unfortunately, everyone seems to think that "this time, it will be different! You'll be OK! You can learn to enjoy it!"

Crap. Utter crap.

The other side of this is, "Well, fine. You can stay on shore and (insert activity)." This usually leads me to grumble that I have other things I could just as easily be doing at home, rather than sitting on an uncomfortable dock, or a useless yacht club.

However, I'm generally branded a sourpuss who refuses to have fun whenever I complain. Which is what I'm doing here.

Seriously? Fuck boats and boating in general.


  1. "...I have other things I could just as easily be doing at home..."

    You can't avoid the problem and this is the best of your available options (i.e. they will suffer the loss of your company no matter what you choose...this is the only option where you don't suffer along with them). So revel in it as a proud sourpuss! :)

  2. If you haven't tried scoplamine (its prescription) they make it in a patch form that has done wonders for my motion sickness. Probly still make you drowsy though. If you have tried it, I'm sorry!!

  3. Scoplamine was going to be my recommendation too. Otherwise, screw em... stay home and do what you want to do!!! :-)

  4. Amen. Fuck a boat, stay home, and do whatever you otherwise wouldn't while the rest of them are off being nautical.

  5. Is this a bad time to develop a really contagious 24 hour flu?

  6. Eowyn- I was thinking a "persistent geyser of diarrhea." Blame it on a bad tuna sandwich or something.

  7. Don't go. Be polite but firm. If they want to continue to have their get togethers in a place that makes you physically ill, then they can deal with you not being there.

  8. 4 times a yr my SO goes to her folks while I stay home. It is win/win for me, as the closest thing to their tiny town of 600ppl is over an hr away. They don't think I am a sourpuss, and I get things done around the house and eat what I want for a week. Good Luck!

  9. Stay at home. Really. Sleep in, walk around nekkid, go for it. Relax.


Play nicely with others, or eat banhammer.