Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Friday, September 3, 2010


  • Adjustment of "personal regions" (boobs or junk) should be confined to the restrooms. I do not care how cute you think the soccer player one aisle over is; no one needs to see you wrangling your puppies into place in order to show him maximum cleavage.
  • If you're going to jam your index finger up your schnozz high enough to retrieve gray matter, for God's sweet sake, do not pop it into your mouth and slurp it with obvious relish. 
  • Having retrieved any noxious bodily secretion (such as earwax), feel free to wipe it on your person, not the desk top.
  • If it's really that itchy, see Campus Health.
  • I don't mind if you eat in class, but bringing a nutcracker and a bag of walnuts is excessive.
  • Do not give pedicures to yourself or others in lecture hall.
  • I'm sorry you're out of EZ-Wide. However, textbooks are for reading, not seeding and stemming. Yes, I saw you tear the flyleaf out of your book and roll a phat one. That's why security  was loitering in the hall after class.
  • When I see you with your lap top open and a cheesetastic, distant smirk on your face, and the three girls behind you are visibly disgusted, I will come close your porn-laden lap top. I don't care if it was "getting to the good part."
Great googly moogly.


  1. We could get a pretty decent start on "thinning the herd" if we allowed college professors to pack heat in class.

    Any thoughts on what the appropriate bag limit should be? Should it be proportional to the class size?

  2. I'm literally gagging over here. **HURL**

  3. Pathetic... That's all I can say, bag limit should be minimum 10% IMHO...

  4. If they're going to use their textbooks to roll, they really should share with the rest of the class--including the professor!

  5. I've never doubted your veracity and have no reason to start now... but from time to time I do have to consciously remind myself that these are reports of observed student behavior.

  6. Off Topic:


Play nicely with others, or eat banhammer.