Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Friday, October 15, 2010

A phone call.

"Good morning. This is Tyfanniegh's mom. She's going to miss her midterm today, so you need to give her a make-up exam."

"I'm sorry, but as per page two of the syllabus, make-up exams are not offered. She either takes the exam with her classmates, or she does not. That's her choice."

"But she has a very upset tummy. She woke up with a headache, and she can't eat -- she is obviously too sick to come in to school!"

"Unfortunately, the mid-term is scheduled today, and I will not re-schedule it to accommodate one student. I can not discuss her academic progress with you further. Good bye."

What I wanted to say:

"I'm sorry your daughter consumed enough alcohol to fill the forward ballast tanks of the Titanic, and woke up with a killer hangover, but if she doesn't get her ass to her exam, she's getting a midterm grade warning for the "F" she's currently percolating."


  1. consumed enough alcohol to fill the forward ballast tanks of the Titanic...

    I'm using that one. That's awe-inspiring.


  2. Heh. I think I would have started the reply with "Well, I shouldn't even be talking to you because Tyfanniegh is over 18, but...."

  3. Helicopter parents merit SAMs. D'you have some grant money you can spend on a tax stamp for a Stinger launcher?

    (Tyffaneigh should've written the midterm regardless; every midterm I wrote tipsy or hungover netted me an A. Granted, that's a small sample size, but still....)

  4. Wait, she skipped a midterm because she had a headache?

    Take a couple Tylenol, bring the bottle with you, and suck it up, princess. Unless you're puking or otherwise contagious, you get your butt in there and do it.
    Then you can schlep home and sleep it off.

  5. Helicopter parenting is its own punishment, though. The kids are problems for the parents well into their thirties.


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