Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

What's that smell? Pepe Le Pew, of course.

There's an alley that runs next to out house, and another at the back of the property that separates our back yard from the backyards of the houses on the block behind us. The trash  and recycling trucks use these alleys as thoroughfares, and the borough has strict rules about when garbage cans can be set out and where they should be left. The alleys, of course, have developed their own ecosystems -- opossums, one family of raccoons, a feral cat colony and now, as we have discovered...a skunk.

Now, I like cats -- I have three of the contrary little bitches -- but the feral cat colony is by far the biggest pain in the ass. They eat our songbirds and it is impossible to leave the kids' sandbox uncovered without discovering a "surprise." Plus, they're mean as Hell, and they are always fighting, howling and fucking at top volume. Being woken up at 3 AM by a rousing chorus of the feline version of "I Wanna Sex You Up" gets very old, very quickly. (Not to mention the rafts of kittens produced. If God kills a kitten every time you masturbate, I'd like y'all to step up the pace a bit, because we are AWASH in stray pussy.)

There is a little old lady who feeds the feral cats (and the raccoons, and the opossums); she leaves large bags of Meow Mix scattered under the bushes. The smell of rotting and damp Meow Mix is one not soon forgotten. (I imagine it's what Lindsay Lohan's boudoir smells like.) All of her neighbors have gently remonstrated with her, and the local SPCA has even come out to talk to her, yet she persists. Even the local Animal Control officer has had words with her, explaining that she;s not doing them (Animal Control and the cats) any favors, and that eventually vermin will be attracted to the area.

She learned the hard way this morning.

I woke up about 3 AM because the smell of skunk wafting in through the windows was absolutely stifling. The husband woke up as well, and we set about closing windows and grumbling. We settled back in to bed, reminding ourselves not to put the dog out first thing, as neither one of us felt like bathing in tomato juice.

We were awakened by shrieking, cursing and a skunk odor so strong it could be smelled through closed doors and windows. It seems a skunk -- no respecter of his benefactor -- had been lurking about the bushes, and when Crazy Cat Neighbor went out to scatter more cat food, he let her have both barrels (figuratively speaking).

I love Karma.


  1. Better this than an epidemic of cat flu or panleukopenia, which is the usual eventual fate of fed feral colonies.

  2. If God kills a kitten every time you masturbate, I'd like y'all to step up the pace a bit

    I'm doing all I can, but there are only so many hours in a da... what? I mean, I'm glad to hear your LOL with the lousy judgment got her fair comeuppance.


  3. If God kills a kitten every time you masturbate, I'd like y'all to step up the pace a bit

    Sorry! I used to be able to off a couple litters a day. But as two years short of fifty, I can only account for 3 a day now.

    And I go and collect up the outside feedings. I'm currently in a feud with the new neighbors over outside feeding of their dog. Since they live next door, I don't want more vet bills on my dogs.

    Until he gets the message, I'm keeping a carbine next to the back door. Raccoons can mess up a dogs evening. I like the neighbor's DOG. Isn't her fault, her owner's an idiot.

  4. LOL- Yep payback IS a bitch... :-)

  5. http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20090718

    I knew I could find a relevant reference...

  6. Go spread meow mix on her porch, steps, sidewalk, etc. See how she likes it up close.

  7. "If God kills a kitten every time you masturbate, I'd like y'all to step up the pace a bit, because we are AWASH in stray pussy."

    I was going to say something complimentary and clever about this, but first I need to a) clean up all the water on my keyboard, b) pick my jaw up off my desk.

  8. Sandbox, Hav-a-hart live trap, tub of water large enough to submerge the trap in.

    ( or a kill stick if you are squeamish about drowning 'em ).

  9. WHOA! Skunk spray is serious business! We don't yet have them here in my small Georgia town, but they're plentiful in the countryside. I smell skunk along a certain stretch of rural highway nearly every morning on my way to work; not sure why they choose to spray away along that 3/4 mile of road, but they do. BLEH!

  10. "I love the smell of karma in the morning. It smells like victory."

  11. Good times. Good effing times, indeed.

  12. BRILLIANT!!!

    I lol'ed. Yes, I did.



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