Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Move-in day!

  • Housekeeping cleans the public areas of the school. They clean the hallways, common bathrooms and lounge rooms, classroom buildings and administrative offices**. They are not around to straighten your rooms or make your beds. (**They do not clean faculty offices, ever.) If you seriously imply that Queenie B., Head of Dorm Housekeeping, ought to do your laundry, she will flatten you ,and no one will see a thing.
  • No one really goes in to your dorm room except you and those you invite in. The exceptions to this are: your RA may do a Health & Safety inspection if they think you're up to something, maintenance may enter (after giving 24 hours' worth of notice) or if Security gets a hot tip on illicit material or activity. Yes, the Safety officers will make fun of your porn collection and give you the side-eye when you pass the entry booths.
  • You will never, ever see a Prof in the dorms unless he or she is on the Judicial committee, and playing witness as they move someone's crap out after they've been summarily ejected. This rarely happens. we do not want to see you in your natural environment, just as you do not want to see us uncaffeinated.
  • You will never, ever see an Administrator n the dorms, unless the Apocalypse is nigh.Any pictures you may have seen were publicity photos, taken during the high summer season, when no one was present in the dorms at all, and Housekeepers in Tyvek had been through to air out and disinfect the premises.
  • Yes, the dorms smell funny. It's a combination of age, body funk, weed smoke, alcohol fumes, old make-up, perfume, dirty jock straps, aerosolized hormones and desperation. You will get used to it. Open a window and buy a shitload of Glade plug-ins.
  • This is not Baby's First Apartment. Look at all the shit you brought. Now send half of it home. You will not spend nearly as much time in your room as you might think; you will not have to cook for yourself. You need clothes, personal grooming items and linens -- that's about it.
  • If you bring a Margaritaville Machine or a blender, you're asking for room inspections. Ditto for any paraphernalia that is taller than you or has a bowl that can comfortably seat a toddler.
Make friends, be responsible and for God's sake, go to class.


  1. and for God's sake, go to class

    Is that optimism or a plea of desperation?

    I went to class all the time, as my feeling was that being a student was my task.

    Well, almost all the time. The "professional responsibility" course was a huge waste of time. One day I went to the range and timed it so that I made my first shot from my .45 at the same time that class was to begin.

  2. "You need clothes, personal grooming items and linens -- that's about it."

    It's probably to the best that 30 years of technological advances have shrunk the stereo to a point where you don't even notice it's there. When I went to school (mid-70s) the following was critical to survival: turntable, tuner, amplifier, speakers (not bookshelf speakers, either - these were 4-foot-tall floorstanding giants), and a couple hundred albums. That crap was the first stuff to be moved in and the last to be torn down. In between, it was rarely off.

  3. Writing from my school desk, at the end of the first day back. Tapping away at keys here, as our home home is bereft of internet service just now (Yay Team Combastards!).

    First day... in service... reams of new demands, documentation, legal info, and lunch schedule duals duello.

    It's 4pm.... and I am ready for a nice lie down and a drink. It's going to be a fascinating year.


Play nicely with others, or eat banhammer.