Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Monday, June 21, 2010

Why I need a rocket launcher, part 3,765

I dropped two of the three Fidgety Midgeties off at day camp and ran to the local purveyor of predator food -- the dog and cats needed noms, lest they start eating children. As I was pulling in to the parking lot, I witenssed an act of unparalelled idiocy.

A woman in a huge-assed Escalade was backing out of her spot, and paused, mid-back-up, to answer her phone...and then sat there.

Just. Sat.

Babbling away in her cell phone, half-in and half-out of the parking spot. Merrily blocking the entire aisle while traffic piled up on either side.

Finally, one of the men sitting in a Ford F250 got out of his truck and knocked on her window. I was close enough to hear their eccvhange:

"Lady. Hang up yer fuckin' phone and move your fat ass. Yer blockin' traffic. Ain't nothin' yer sayin' can't wait."

"Sir, it's not safe to talk on the phone while driving. I am being a Safe Driver!"

"I don't care what the fuck you think you are, you're an asshole and you're in the way. Pull in to your spot and talk, or back all the way the fuck out and be on your way."

"I don't appreciate your tone or your profanity!"

"You're gonna appreciate it when I ram your gawdamn SUV outta my way, you dumb cunt! Move tha piece of shit!"

Then, while she splittered and "Well, I never!"-ed, he grabbed her phone and hung it up for her.

I backed out of the aisle and found another spot to park ,and went in for dog and cat food, When I came out there were three police cruisers and several people making statements. When I was approached, I gave a brief one: "Dude. She was blocking traffic, ignoring people honking and generally acting like a spoiled bitch; that guy deserves a medal " -- and went on my way.

She had started shrieking at the officers when I left.


  1. She was lucky. It is my wish to grab the phone from one of these idiots and then test to see how far I can fling it.

  2. I agree 100% with Paul. I'd like to give "air time" a whole new meaning for her.

  3. What's unnerving is these people invariably breed.

  4. What caliber for Escalade?
    I think .505 Gibbs.
    I just want an excuse to spend $4000 on a big ass rifle!
    Or to shoot a big ass SUV!

  5. Agree with Paul- I've done that before... :-) Hopefully SHE got a rather large ticket for obstruction...

  6. "I don't appreciate your tone or your profanity!"

    People tell me that all the time. They don't realize that I don't rellay give a damn if they "appreciate" it as long as they follow orders.


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