Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Monday, June 21, 2010

A baited field...

In a previous post, someone suggested that we get a dog to guard hearth and home -- and laundry. well, we have one -- a big, fuck-off, 90-pound female German Shepherd (named Hildegard) who loves her three puppies and herds them whenever possible.

Normally I can't have the dog and the laundry out at the same time, as she sees anything on the line as a fabulous opportunity to practice her running jump-and-grab maneuver. I got tired of explaining the random tooth holes in various items of clothing. 

In this case, I decided I'd rather sacrifice a few t-shirts. The cops I gave police reports to indicated that leaving the dog out was optimal, and if someone happened to get eaten while trespassing, that was the bitee's problem; they'd look the other way.

I bought a large, meaty bone from the butcher -- the better to keep Hildy quiet, under her favorite bush and gnawing contentedly -- and hung out a full load of wash this morning.

I'm practically giddy, waiting for the barking to start. I hope she bites someone right in the 'tocks.


  1. Ah. Off a clothesline.

    I thought someone was breaking into your *house* to steal your tidy whiteys...

    It's still wrong, don't misunderstand me; it's just not as bad as I thought.


    If they've gone after brassieres, make I make one suggestion?


    Car battery.

    Some assembly required...

    Then look for the scorch marks...

  2. Ooooo - that's a good one. I was thinking something along those lines, but utilizing a piece of wire substituted for the clothesline, and a household outlet.

    But German Shepherd teethmarks are good, too.

  3. The baited field...

    I saw my grandmother bait some squirrels by hanging an ear of corn off the clothes line while she waited in the shadow of her back porch with a .22 rifle.

    We had fried squirrel for supper that night. She got four of the little furry bandits as I remember. Grandma liked squirrel and pot-shot them frequently during the warmer parts of the year.

  4. I'm still voting for the "Dig a big pit under the clothes line, disguise it, and then fill it back in with dirt when the perv falls in" plan...

  5. I sincerely hope Hildegarde gets another meaty bone for supper tonight . . .

  6. Looking forward to the Police report. Makes it easy when you have a blood trail.

  7. Might want to point a video surveillance camera at that clothesline.

    Put some underwear out as bait. Put it on the internet. Call it Pervbaiting.com .

    Alternately, a motion sensor, a warning lamp inside, a rifle, and a good book to read while you wait might be a better notion.

  8. Notice you didn't say you had a problem with teeth marked clothing. Just that you got tired of explaining it!


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