In a previous post, someone suggested that we get a dog to guard hearth and home -- and laundry. well, we have one -- a big, fuck-off, 90-pound female German Shepherd (named Hildegard) who loves her three puppies and herds them whenever possible.
Normally I can't have the dog and the laundry out at the same time, as she sees anything on the line as a fabulous opportunity to practice her running jump-and-grab maneuver. I got tired of explaining the random tooth holes in various items of clothing.
In this case, I decided I'd rather sacrifice a few t-shirts. The cops I gave police reports to indicated that leaving the dog out was optimal, and if someone happened to get eaten while trespassing, that was the bitee's problem; they'd look the other way.
I bought a large, meaty bone from the butcher -- the better to keep Hildy quiet, under her favorite bush and gnawing contentedly -- and hung out a full load of wash this morning.
I'm practically giddy, waiting for the barking to start. I hope she bites someone right in the 'tocks.
Ah. Off a clothesline.
ReplyDeleteI thought someone was breaking into your *house* to steal your tidy whiteys...
It's still wrong, don't misunderstand me; it's just not as bad as I thought.
Hmmm.
If they've gone after brassieres, make I make one suggestion?
Underwire.
Car battery.
Some assembly required...
Then look for the scorch marks...
Ooooo - that's a good one. I was thinking something along those lines, but utilizing a piece of wire substituted for the clothesline, and a household outlet.
ReplyDeleteBut German Shepherd teethmarks are good, too.
The baited field...
ReplyDeleteI saw my grandmother bait some squirrels by hanging an ear of corn off the clothes line while she waited in the shadow of her back porch with a .22 rifle.
We had fried squirrel for supper that night. She got four of the little furry bandits as I remember. Grandma liked squirrel and pot-shot them frequently during the warmer parts of the year.
I'm still voting for the "Dig a big pit under the clothes line, disguise it, and then fill it back in with dirt when the perv falls in" plan...
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope Hildegarde gets another meaty bone for supper tonight . . .
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the Police report. Makes it easy when you have a blood trail.
ReplyDeleteMight want to point a video surveillance camera at that clothesline.
ReplyDeletePut some underwear out as bait. Put it on the internet. Call it Pervbaiting.com .
Alternately, a motion sensor, a warning lamp inside, a rifle, and a good book to read while you wait might be a better notion.
Notice you didn't say you had a problem with teeth marked clothing. Just that you got tired of explaining it!
ReplyDelete